Forgoing

In a local museum of contemporary art I came across a piece that got me really thinking. It was called Forgo (“luopua) and consisted of stories about giving something up, voluntarily or not. The actual artwork was a “house” made of embroideries about the subject. Many of them depicted countries. It´s unimaginable for me to be forced to leave your home country and maybe never come back but that´s something countless numbers of people have to deal with.

I thought about what I have had to give up in my life. They´re not as big things like home but quite minor things. I have given up negative feelings. I have given up eating meat. I have given up some of my freedom in order to achieve something better.

You can easily slip into thinking about breaking up or dying, giving up people. In the physical sense it´s not our choice to give someone up but it´s definitely for our minds to let them go. And that´s what real giving up is about: making peace with the fact that whatever was can´t return.

I found another artwork in the museum connected to this theme: lost&found. When you lose something valuable, be it a scarf or an expensive gadget, the reaction is quite the same as in giving up. First you try to fix things, then you grieve over the loss, then you blame it on someone (often yourself) and eventually accept. In giving up the order can be different with acceptance being earlier. 

I had my fare share of trying to make peace with reality and accept it. I think it´s important to acknowledge that it´s not always up to you. Some things are not your responsibilities. Even if you sometimes owned something it doesn´t mean you´re bound to it forever. And as for people, you can´t lose anyone because you can´t own anyone. We´re all just visitors here and travel side by side for times and then go separate ways. Nothing stops being when they leave your hands.

Another thing that I´ve thought about sometimes is losing your mobility. That´s maybe one of the hardest things to accept but you can always read about people who keep on living, happily ever after. That´s why I think giving up and losing is very educational. You don´t even have to take is as a loss but as a “change of life conditions”.

It´s a marvellous feeling when you stop mulling over the loss and, instead, become happy about what was.