28 April 2010

Because age is just a number

Yes. I turned 21. What´s that supposed to mean?


(That´s my birthday cake. I made it all by myself. See, I´m pretty savvy for my years...)

Maybe I was supposed to have done certain things by this age. I´m supposed to be grown-up, stabilized, in a relationship, studying hard, paying my bills and flossing every day. Maybe I expected to have found myself and my way by this time. In primary school I thought high school kids are practically adults. In high school I thought university is when all the fun starts and I finally understand life.

Untill now, age always had a meaning. In school it means certain level. It´s pretty cool to turn 10 because then you´ll have two figures in your age. In upper level age crudely indicates your status and you can´t wait to be 15 and on the final year. And then you start waiting for turning 18... Then follows the "pointless age" 19 because it´s in the middle of two important age limits. When you finally turn 20 you can buy any alcohol. And that´s about it really. There´s also the age limit of 21 to certain bars but when you´re 21 you don´t want to go to that kind of old-folk-places...

So now I´m just 21 and it means nothing. I guess I´m just waiting for my life to happen. One day I´ll be grown-up and ready and know everything and have no further questions about life.

But. I´ve come to understand that I´ll never be there. Because in this petty age of 21 I´m already there. I´ve always been there. Or maybe that´s what it means. Enough of waiting, now is time to stop staring at the number!

09 April 2010

About sprouting



It´s time again. Time to inhale fresh april air and exhale all the sorrow and dust of the gone winter. Time to look ahead, renew and start all over again. It´s the time of bittersweet and tingling yearn for summer. Atleast for students and the like.

I´ve always liked spring more than summer but I never really could explain it. Untill my English teacher commented on my spring-related essay and said: "Yes, spring is definitely nicer ´cause everything is still ahead." 

That´s an aspect I hadn´t really thought of before. But that´s not necessarily the whole story. First of all, spring is full of fun holidays like Easter (good memories from childhood, without any religious traits), my birthday and 1st of May the last one being my favourite holiday. Spring is when you make adventurous plans for summer and daydream about beach life, deep green forests, new acquintances, bbq-parties and not to mention finnish "nightless nights" and its magic. 

There´s so much pressure in terms of Finnish summer. Everyone waits for it so desperately it might end up being a disappointment when spring on the contrary is only slightly warm and makes people smile cautiously after a long long reign of snow. As if you saw the sun for the first time of your life, every year. It´s a rebirth, a reward or a blessing.

I feel like coming alive again. I polish my boots, wash winter clothes and pack them away, go through my stuff and sell anything I don´t need, go to hairdresser´s, renew my diet... The nature starts another new cycle and I don´t want to be left behind. First we bud, then we bloom and finally fade more or less gracefully. 

So plant your seeds.

06 April 2010

I have no right to cry

Why is it so hard to argue without crying? Why do I always have a headache? Why am I so frightened of the future? Why do I have nightmares? Why do I feel so annoyed when I hear people laughing? Sighhhhh.... but then again...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78XrI_2bPVA&playnext_from=TL&videos=GRnOrvtSwQA